Nyla has had tantrums since before she turned one, but these new ones, are something else.
She can be fine happy one minute and then the next shes on the floor kicking and screaming completely out the blue.
Also with this, she has discovered a way to ensure she almost always gets her own way ... by wetting herself on purpose.
Tantrums tantrums tantrums
This is probably the part of this stage that i usually don't let get me as wound up as the rest. If she has a tantrum, i can lay her down so he can't hurt herself, and walk away until she is finished.
However, her tantrums have become much more violent than before. She will bang her head on purpose on the floor, wall, tv cabinet, whatever is close by. She knows that if i see she has hurt herself i run to her, so when i see her doing it on purpose, i make a point of not doing that. Instead i just stay close by and silent, and she will stop and come for a cuddle. During one of these violent tantrums, i obviously can not walk away and leave her to it like i would a normal meltdown.
I wasn't warned that this is something that they can do, and i had to use google to help me see that this does happen and she isn't broken. It is estimated that approx 20 percent of toddlers bang their heads (1).
Answering Back
This i was a little more prepared for, but when she is much bigger. She doesn't even talk in full sentences right now, yet she can answer me back.
Just last week she was climbing from her arm chair, onto the arm of the sofa, and then onto the sofa. I had already told her not to do this so i asked her "what did momma say about doing that". She laughed and said "its ok" and continued to do it. No matter how many times i removed her from the chair, she climbed back on it telling me yes.
She really has an answer for everything. I have even had head wobbles and pointing while she's babbled at me and answered back in her own little language.
Yesterday she was headbanging on the tv unit because i had asked her to not put her toys on there. I asked her to stop and she continued. I got down to her level and calmly said "When momma says stop doing that, it means you stop." She shook her head at me.
I do find myself laughing at these moments sometimes, but out of pure shock that someone so little can have so much attitude and answer back already.
Purposely wetting herself
If you have read my blog, or follow my instagram, then you will know that Nyla started toilet training at 15 months, and has been out of nappies day and night since 17 and 18 months.
Lately, she has learned how quickly i will drop everything if she needs the toilet, and she has been using it to her advantage.
If she is in the highchair, and she doesn't want her dinner, then she will say "poo poo" or "up", to let me know she needs to go to the toilet. I take her, she doesn't go, and then she refuses to get back in the highchair and eat her dinner, or eat her dinner anywhere else. So one day i thought ok, i'm not going to do that. I always take her before we eat, so i know her bladder isn't full.
So we're eating, she doesn't want her meal, i know its coming. "poo poo" she says. "We will go toilet after you eat some more dinner." i tell her. So she sits there, she stares at me, and she strains. I get scared and take her and it's the battle to get her back in again.
The next time it happens and she strains, i tell her calmly that i will take her when i have finished eating and if she is done she can go and play. I take her plate away into the kitchen, and come back to her having wet herself.
I know what her bladder is capable of, as she is funny with public bathrooms, meaning she has held it in for up to 8 hours before. So to me, this is 100% deliberate.
I take her upstairs, get her cleaned down and changed and we come back downstairs. I dont bother trying to get her in the highchair, so i just leave her and go back to eating my dinner ..... apparently this isn't allowed to happen either and she will have a full on meltdown until i stop and go and give her all my attention.
The only other time she wets herself, is if i leave her in her a seperate room with the gate closed. I have left her to shower, making sure she has gone toilet first, and come back to her wet even though she can see me from her bedroom gate.
This is probably the most stressful boundary testing that she is going through right now.
My temporary solutions to try. Letting her sit at her own little table so she can get up and leave if she wants to, putting her back in pull ups for dinner time, or just leaving her wet and hoping she learns her lesson and to be patient.
Biting
Out of nowhere one day, i told her to stop doing something. Her instant reaction was to bite the sofa. I was confuses but thought it better to ignore it.
A few days later, again she was told to stop something, and she walked over to me, grabbed my hand, and bit me. It wasn't hard. but it was enough that i had to react (as if it hurt) and tell her that we do not do that.
It was another few days passed by, and she bit her dad. Then the baby gate, the sofa again.
Now with this being a rare reaction from her, i am keeping to trying to ignore it, and if it is repeated then i tell her that we do not bite. She so far seems to understand that we don't do it, and she won't again until the next random time.
I added it to her reward chart "no hitting and biting" and so far she seems to have kicked this habit.
Outright defiance
One thing with Ny, is that it's always been clear that she understands a lot more than we think.
I remember she got her own little chair for the living room. When learning to climb onto it herself, she found herself standing on the chair. "Chairs are for bums not feet" i would tell her and sit her on her bum. Soon if she was standing, i would just ask her what are chairs for and she would sit down.
This no longer happens. "What are chairs for" i ask her. "bums" she shouts, while still standing on the chair. I ask her to sit, she stands and stares at me waiting to see what i'm going to do it she doesn't. I sit her down. She stands back on it again looking at me with a smirk on her face. So i remove her from the chair, she climbs back on it and again, stands on it. I get up ready to move her again, and then she will sit down and laugh. It's all a game to her.
The same with her snack draw. She will take a snack out when she wants one and bring it to me to open for her. Occasionally however, it's just more fun to take fruit out and run around with it, no matter how many times i take it off her and put it back because she can not have a snack at that time.
These things, and increased flinging back and poor sleep, have had me pulling my hair out at times.
Generally she is an incredible little person. Happy, funny, clever, and then out of nowhere it's like she is possessed by the devil.
This week i feel she has peaked in boundary testing, and i would be lying if i said i hadn't been struggling with it. Being on my own with her, means i don't get any breaks. So between the wake ups for the toilet in the night, the refusal to go back to sleep sometimes for hours, and all of this on top, momma has been a little stressed.
Someone please spam me with your top tips for toddler survival!!
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