Co-Sleeping and Bedsharing

Before having Nyla, i was under the impression that she would sleep in her cot in my bedroom, and then move into her own room at 6 months. I thought she would then move onto taking the sides off her cot and turning it into a toddler bed, and that would be that. 

How different the reality is. 

When Nyla was 3 months old, she had to have some time in hospital. We discovered she had a lump and this had to undergo testing, scans, and eventually an operation to remove it. At the same time, me and her dad split and he moved out of our home. 

She came home from hospital, and so much had changed. I was lonely, she was scared and confused, and we needed to be close to each other. Thus began our journey of co-sleeping and bedsharing. 

At first i did try to put her in her cot. She was sleeping well in there as it was, but then she learnt to roll. The sound of her hitting her head on the cot bars and waking herself up, was hard to deal with. I was already a mess with worry when it came to her after such a tough week. 

I first came across the term "co-sleeping", when i first had Nyla and the health visitor came out. She had asked about our sleeping arrangements, and as i had never heard of co-sleeping, i was interested. In my head however, i just couldn't see it working for us, as i worried about the safety. 

While staying in the hospital, wires attached to her, nurses in every few hours to do her obs, i needed my baby as close to me as possible. I found that i was falling asleep with her in my arms lay in the bed. We had a pull out bed beside her cot (which was lowered down) and i slept with her on the inside so she couldn't roll out. I worried that nurses would judge me or tell me off for doing it, but nothing was said other than how happy she seemed. 

Coming home, this continued. I was too scared to have her not be near me. I got myself a bed guard (which i soon learned not to be safe) and she moved into my bed. 

Straight away, she started sleeping longer stretches at night. Where she would wake up 3+ times in the night, she was now sleeping 7pm-3am before waking for a feed, then again at 5am before being up at 7am for the day. I was finally getting big chunks of sleep myself (hurray!)

It didn't take long for these night feeds to drop, and for her to wake up just once, and not always for milk. She knew that i was there if she needed me, and she would just come and snuggle closer to me. 

Nyla was around 10 months old, when we decided to try her in her bed. Once i learned that the bed guard was not safe for under 18 month olds*, i had to look into ways to make things safe. 

I came across a facebook page (Uk Co-Sleepers) which was really helpful in advising what to do. The best option, was to side car her cotbed. What this was, simply put, was attaching it to my bed. 

I took the side off, strapped the frame of it to my bed with furniture raisers, raised it up to the same level as my bed. I then pulled the mattress over and used pool noodles to fill the gap by the bars, making these tight together. I could then put her down on this side of the bed, and if she rolled (which she was doing by 4 months), then she would roll into her bed. 

It was agreed that she would start to have overnights at her dads after her birthday, so i wanted her to be comfortable sleeping without me. I started trying to put her in her bed once she was asleep at night. The first night she did amazing, a whole 9 hours before she started searching for me and climbed in my bed. Then it went a bit down hill and there was no more than 3 hours a night spent in her bed. 

It took a few months, but soon she was back to at least 6 hours in her own bed and i was happy with that. 

Now she sleeps the full night in her bed, climbs in with me in the morning for cuddles and also naps in her bed as well. I actually miss her when she doesn't climb in with me!

Pros and cons of co-sleeping for us. 

Both get more sleep - Nyla is now 15 months old. We no longer share a bed, but we still co-sleep. She sleeps a full 11 hours every single night. It is very rare that she wakes up. This leaves me to get some much needed rest. 

She wakes up happy - Nothing beats being woken up in the morning by her stroking my face and giving me kisses. She climbs into my bed, wakes me up, and then we lay in bed for snuggles while she babbles away to me. When she wakes from a nap and I'm there, she is the same. 

She can reach out and feel me if she needs comfort - She never wakes up crying. If she needs me, she holds my hand, or climbs in my bed. I have woken up to her climbing in with her eyes closed and plopping right down when she feels I'm there. No waking up, no crying, sometimes not even waking me. I often wake to her holding onto my hand while asleep. 

She moves around a lot which can wake me up - While going through development leaps especially, she tends to move around a lot in her sleep. This can sometimes be annoying for me and wake me up, as she can be found taking up the whole bed. I have been woken by those little feet so many times as she's sprawled across the beds. This was the main reason for our switch from bedsharing, to sidecar beds. 

Sometimes i have to hold my pee in - Especially is she is in my bed, i sometimes have to make the choice between going for a pee, or having her sleep. When she has been teething, or not feeling very well, she likes to sleep in my arms as the little spoon. Me moving to go toilet, can wake her up and then i could be sat up for 2 hours with her and her coming with me to the toilet. She can sleep through a lot of sounds, but me moving is not one of them. 

When she is asleep i usually sit in bed and watch tv for an hour or two, or go downstairs if her dad is over. None of this wakes her up. But that 3am toilet trip does. 

We had to give up the bed - me and her dad have managed to make our relationship work, and he spends nights here. Our bedroom set up, means we have to be a little more creative if we want to have any *ahem* special time. 

The most surprising thing i learned about co-sleeping, was how many of us actually do it. Although this seems to be done in secret out of fear of judgement. No mother should feel judged for how they do things with their children. 

Some of us can handle the cry it out method for example, and some of us can not. Some babies can self soothe, and some don't. 

Nyla doesn't self soothe, she gets to fall asleep in my arms every night and then transferred to her bed. Sometimes her eyes open when i put her down and she will just go back to sleep. Do i have any plans to change any of this? No. 

I love having her in my bed and in my room. I can keep a close eye on her, and that happy little face and kisses in the morning make my whole day! I know that one day, she will be in her own room, but until she is ready, I'm happy with our arrangement. 

*For more information on bedsharing and co-sleeping safe, please see The Lullaby Trust website. I understand that my methods may not be ones that you agree with or follow, so please understand that this is just a personal post on what we do for bedtime.